An incident that threw you off balance; an unexpected conclusion; a current situation.
Has something ever ripped you apart that you felt like it left a hole inside of you?
An intense pain, though not physical, but felt like it was.
I’ve recently had close interactions with people experiencing emotional stress. Some know it, some don’t, and most others are in denial.
What does it look like?
Could be physical symptoms such as headaches, muscle tension, insomnia, shortness of breath, and digestive issues, or psychological ones like feelings of sadness, aloneness, hopelessness, loss, as well as a loss of self-esteem and confidence.
There are so many things that could induce stress in our world today, but what’s most interesting to me is how we carry on without making deliberate efforts to ‘center ourselves.’
When you have feelings of sadness or worry (even if they’re momentary), disinterest in the things you should care about, changes in appetite or sleep patterns, irritability, and difficulty concentrating or completing tasks, know that it’s time to go into yourself and find ways to heal.
How does this happen?
It is that you practice focusing your attention and energy on exactly how you’re feeling and connecting with your inner self, taking a moment to pause, breathe deeply, and tune into your thoughts and emotions with the singular aim of achieving a state of balance and clarity.
Take note of what the singular aim should be.
Many of us refuse to go into ourselves. We prefer to stay in the world of ‘I’ll be fine,’ ‘It’ll pass,’ ‘It is well,’ or ‘There’s nothing I can do.’
Some of the toughest emotions to feel are shame, anger, and love (passion), and they are able to cause us the most pain (stress).
The first step in dealing with emotional stress is to admit where you are and recognize the triggers that led you there.
Sometimes, the things that break our hearts are the very things that heal them.
Pain is what happens to us, suffering is what we do with that pain.
I’ll summarize my thoughts for responding to it in 3 principles:
1. Reframe it.
Sit with yourself and identify your thoughts about the situation.
Determine to see a different perspective, considering the possibility of multiple interpretations.
Decide what is true and what you may have imagined by challenging your negative thoughts (acknowledge what is negative and don’t pretend it isn’t there).
Let go of resentment and anger towards yourself and others you identify as initiators.
Ask yourself what you can learn from the situation and how it can help you grow.
What new insights can you draw from it?
Focus on the positives (Find them).
2. Move your body.
This one’s pretty simple.
I remember being ill at boarding school.
I must have been like 12 years old.
I’d done everything required (or so I thought) - taken my medication, used mosquito net, forced an appetite, etc. but after 3 days, I still felt weak, lethargic, and had the semblance of a fever.
Until another girl in the class ahead offered to take me on a walk.
I thought ‘Walk? I could barely get out of bed.’
But she insisted.
Holding my hand, we went out in the open and walked amongst the trees.
I broke out in sweat and felt a weird sensation when I took deep breaths as we paused during the walk.
Exercise is one of the most effective ways to stimulate the release of endorphins, as it activates the body's natural pain-relief system and triggers the release of endorphins in the brain.
This is why exercise is often referred to as a "natural high" and is a recommended strategy for managing stress, anxiety, and depression.
You still think exercising and healthy eating are gimmicks of the ‘woke generation’?
“Just Dey Play’’
3. Cultivate your inner voice.
Many of you have asked that I elaborate on ‘inner voice,’ so let’s start from the beginning.
Your inner voice will never be distinct if you permit self-criticism and negative self-talk.
That’s not even negotiable.
It is that you intentionally find joy in spending time in your thoughts, observing any physical sensations or emotions you may be experiencing as you go through your concerns.
You must learn to pay attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgement.
Whatever you discover, permit yourself to own it without guilt, shame, or any form of conclusiveness.
This can help you gain insight into what you truly desire and need.
Self-reflection for me is asking a simple question like - What am I struggling with?
The power of the inner voice is cultivated in being true to yourself.
Listening to your inner voice can sometimes mean making difficult choices or taking risks that may appear eccentric.
However, when you are true to yourself, you are more likely to make choices that align with your values and bring you closer to your objectives.
Pain is inevitable, %Name%, but suffering is optional.
It's always up to us to choose whether to stay in the pain or move towards healing.
Wherever you are, embrace your pain (concerns, worries, stress, loss, etc.) as a teacher.
May you have the courage to find your balance and the grace to heal others on your way.
P.S:I love reading your emails about what stood out for you. You can also tag me on IG (feed/story) @identitycoach
